LOST in SPACE

my place. my life. don't interfere.

 

The Result of Nothing

DISCLAIMER: this is just the result of doing nothing for a full day at work. please do not take anything written below literally or even seriously. it is just a result of nothing.

 

12:33 PM 2/10/2005 -
i am bored. with nothing to do here in my seat but sit and stare into space. i've never been this useless since the time i felt that i have nothing to do with anyone in the world. and that was a long long time ago. time i couldn't even tell when. or what. or where. i am a lost soul. without someone or even something to hold on to. something tangible that i could give myself to. i am nothing. i am nobody. and i can't become somebody even if the world pushes me to be. i am a problem. i am someone no one bothers to care. i am dead. dead to the world. with nothing to do. nothing to care about. nothing to think about. nothing to feel about. life is nothing to me. life is boring. life is depressing. life is death. what am i? i, myself, don't even know. i am someone. and yet a no one. i don't make sense. i am what i am. i am what you call me. i don't care about anything. and yet i care about myself. i am useless. useful to others. what am i? i really don't know.

2:49 PM 2/10/2005 -
damn life. it's such a boring boring day. i've done all that i have to do. and now i'm left with nothing to do. what? i don't know. nothing. into nothingness. to give in to what i think i should give in. to feel utmost care and sincerity that i am not feeling for the past weeks and days that i think i am in need of. i am lost. i am nothing. i am life. and yet i am dead. the reality of it all sinks in. my reality doesn't exist. the reality i am in now is all a hoax. nothing is real. nothing is true. all are lies. death is an exception though. it's the only real thing that i think i can hold on to. it's not tangible. but it's real. it exist. it's the best thing that can happen to me after this life. this damn, boring, nothing life. what do you think of me? i don't care.

3:50 PM 2/10/2005 -
for the past hour, i didn't have a productive thing done. i just sat here and dream of being into nothingness. i imagined things happening that ain't possible at the moment. i've thought of giving myself wholly to someone and / or something i really care about. i am craving for something. my body would like to give in to it. and my mind is so disappointed because that craving has not been satisfied. i'd like to taste it with my tongue. feel it in my hands. feel it with my lips. taste the sweetness and juiciness of it. feel the hardness of it before getting tender in my hands and in my mouth. i'd like to finally eat it. lick it. taste it. damn. pass that hershey's bar chocolate please.

4:55 PM 2/10/2005 -
hour by hour, i write something in here that actually doesn't mean anything or even makes sense. it's so pathetic of me to be trying to write about something when there is nothing to be writing about. what a sad sad day it is today. nothing productive happened. nothing so amiable that can be written. nothing so great that can be adored and admired. what is happening to me? why am i writing all these nonsense in here? it shames me. it shames my whole being. i am nothing. it all boils down to that. what the hell should i do? i am a disgrace. i am a shame. i am someone to abhor. i am someone that people shouldn't be proud of. i am trash. nothing. nothing. why the sudden change? why the sudden nothingness? why the sudden death of everything? death of myself to the world? this is bullshit. damn.

said, written, taken, ranted by: wuthie at 14:53 | link | comments (2) |
rants and raves

Of fanfictions and stuffs...

Lately, I've been very busy reading up stuff on www.fanfiction.net that I hardly have time to write up here in my blog. Promise, the stories there are great. You guys should try it once.  But beware, you might find it addicting. Really.

Too many things have already happened, come to think of it. It's April. My last post was February.

Hi Cole_Slah! Was able to read your message just now. Anyway, in response to your note, I'm elated that you even notice this feeble blog of mine particularly those posts that I have regarding my ex. Well dear, in essence - we really didn't break up. We just came to a conclusion and agreed that we shouldn't be together anymore because he already has a different relationship at that time. Plus we're not really working out already. No hard feelings although we didn't speak for a long time. But we're "friends" now, so to speak. And we've placed the past behind us. Heck, that's why it's "Past." It should all be behind us.  We're good already.

I'm a new person now! Thank God! Hihi!  No, seriously. I wasn't pertaining to the above paragraph. I'm new because of what I've been experiencing with God right now. God is doing something miraculous in my life. And I'm so thankful! And excited at the same time! Hehe.

Sigh... No more things to say. This post is more or less just a big thought balloon with no specific meaning whatsoever.

Mwah!

said, written, taken, ranted by: wuthie at 10:18 | link | comments (2) |
wala lang stuff