LOST in SPACE

my place. my life. don't interfere.

 

Ako’y malungkot na naman.

Amoy chico na ako.

Ilang tagay na hindi pa rin puno.

Tanong ko lang sa langit, kung bakit pumangit.

Noon dati’y masaya.

Ngayon panay problemang bumabalot sa buto.

Bakit ganito?

 

- Masaya, Bamboo 2004

said, written, taken, ranted by: wuthie at 13:17 | link | comments (3) |
rants and raves

Emptyfull Spaces

A break from the monotony of thoughts.

said, written, taken, ranted by: wuthie at 10:48 | link | comments (1) |
pixes

Lately, I’ve been thinking of a lot of things.  Being alone most of the time, I do not have any thing else to do except think.  Well, aside from observing people and things around, that is.

 

I wonder what life has to offer me now that I am living alone.  Sometimes I think what I should be doing next.  If what I’m about to do is something that would give me the satisfaction that I so greatly covet.  But what do I want?  What is it that would give me the complete satisfaction?  Money?  Staying in this land of opportunities and seeing myself give in to the opportunities that are coming my way?  My dreams fulfilled?  But what are my dreams?  Do I want to spend my life living this way that I am living?  Would this be the ultimate thing?  So many questions asked.  So few are the answers.

 

I do not want to say my life has no meaning or that my life is a mess or that my life has nowhere to go because that is not what is happening.  It is the exact opposite, for some reason – I know that.  I just do not know how to say that or rather explain how and why.

 

I am living a good life.  A wonderful life even.  Some people say that I am so lucky and blessed with the way I am now.  I have a wonderful job (that pays nicely), I will be studying in a few months to get a specialization course that I so greatly wanted to pursue, I am moving out of my relative’s house and living on my own for real since I now have the capacity to do so, I have a lot of plans that I want to see done (some of which are done already, actually), I have a wonderful and loving family (back in my home country) that supports me with which ever way I want to go, I have friends who are loyal to me (who are already like family) – what more should I ask for?

 

And yet – it somehow feels incomplete.

 

Sometimes, I am on the verge of depression (again) thinking of these things.  I know it is unhealthy.  I am driving myself insane and into lunacy entertaining these thoughts but what can I do?  It usually comes to me when I have nothing else better to do except sit and ponder on these freaking, f*#@king thoughts.

 

Sigh…

 

I do not need somebody to fill this incompleteness (if you are getting my drift).  For me, as of the moment – it is something that I do not want and need.  It is something quite superficial and something that is undeniably superfluous.  Someday – when the time is finally right and I am ready to settle down – then that’s the time that I will be thinking along those lines.  Right now – well, let’s just say that it’s fun to meet new people and make some new acquaintances and contacts.  And of course, revel in the power of being a woman.  Harhar.  I shout it to the whole world.  I AM A WOMAN.  AND I AM PROUD OF IT!

 

Damn, random thoughts once more and senseless things.  I am talking nonsense, am I?  Or am I not?  Hell, why does it even matter?  I just want these things purged out of me.  So let me be.

 

 

said, written, taken, ranted by: wuthie at 10:09 | link | comments |
rants and raves