LOST in SPACE

my place. my life. don't interfere.

 

THE RANTINGS OF A SIMPLE GIRL IN A SIMPLY COMPLICATED SITUATION

Ok.  So right now, I am in a state of being complicated.  Which is weird because I don’t usually feel this way.  Maybe it’s just me or something or maybe it’s just the situation that I am currently in. 

 

Ok.  So here’s the deal.  Last night, we went out.  This guy that I really like.  We were good.  Really good.  You know how I like guys that I can converse with just about anything.  And that was how we were.  We were talking about literally anything that came into our minds.  We were talking non-stop.  Laughing all the way.  Even when we got to the movie that we decided to watch, we were still engrossed in small talk.

 

But then – he kissed me.  And that’s where everything suddenly changed.  I felt some spark there.  A jolt.  An electricity that coursed suddenly through my veins.  As if everything stopped.  And we were just the two people around.  Cliché-ic huh?  But who cares?  It was what I felt.

 

I think he felt it too.  And that was where the complications began.  Somehow, we both knew that something like that might happen which was why we don’t breach the topic of “us” although lots of people tell us that there might be something more going on between us.  We just laugh them off when they tell us that. 

 

But last night, last night was different.  Through that kiss, the topic was breached.  Through that kiss – everything changed.  I like him all right.  Really like him.  The attraction was there ever since we met.  But – arrgghhh!  No, I don’t want to call it love because it isn’t.  And I don’t want to get too complicated like that.  I don’t want to think I’m starting to feel waaaayy too much for him because of that one tiny little kiss.  And you know me.  I’m that girl who shouted to the whole world that I am not going into something like this because I believe it’s somewhat superficial.  And it’s not what I need at the moment.  I need something substantial.  Something real.  And well – yeah, this somehow seemed real. 

 

What is so complicated about this, you ask?  I know – the above paragraphs seem so simple.  I mean – it implicates that I’m single, he’s single, we’re good together and it’s obvious that we like each other so why not go for it, right? 

 

The complication?  He had a girlfriend who right now thinks she has some claim on him still.  And somehow – he just couldn’t pull away.  Maybe he loves her.  Really loves her.  Or maybe he just feels like he has some responsibility for the girl.  Or maybe he just really loves her.  I don’t know!

 

Sometimes, he tells me in a jokingly manner that if only I was his girlfriend then everything wouldn’t be as complicated as the situation he was in.  That maybe, life could be simple and that everything would work out just fine.  We click really good, you know.   I just laugh at him when he tells me that.  Telling him that – nah, he just thinks that is so because we are not together and he’s just probably wondering how it would be if we are together.

 

There are lots of other complications though.  The fact that I might not stay long here and transfer states is one.  We come from two very different backgrounds.  I don’t know what our families might say about us should we hook up together.  There are lots more, some are irrelevant though as they are quite meaningless and not really the sort of reason you’re going to give for something like this.

 

We are so open with each other, do you know that?  In the short period of time that we got to know each other, we already knew a lot about each other.  He knows what I’m like in a relationship.  He knows my past.  I know his past.  I know how his mind works on most things and what he’s thinking.

 

Dang it.

 

I just realized.  Why does it seem that I keep on liking guys that have a lot of complications such as this?  I liked a couple of guys in the past (both of which were my ex-es actually and who have moved on meaning they got themselves new girlfriends but when we get together, sparks still fly) who were exactly like him and the situation he is in and we are currently in. 

 

Dang it again.

 

What the hell is wrong with me?  Why couldn’t I just pick some normal guy out there that I would click with who doesn’t have the complications that this guy has?  Am I just weird or am I just apt into picking those that are not the right ones for me?  In 10 guys, 9 of which are normal, I go choosing the one that is not.

 

Arrrghh…

 

So shoot me.

 

27 November 2006

9:24PM Monday

said, written, taken, ranted by: wuthie at 13:12 | link | comments (4) |
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